CHAPTER 10

          “Do you think maybe we missed it?” wondered Nikki for at least the fourth time. 

          Hannah laughed as Jack’s shoulders shrugged beneath her for at least the fourth time.  “It feels funny when you wiggle like that, Daddy,” she proclaimed.  “Do it again.”  She bounced up and down on his shoulders to emulate the motion just in case he wasn’t absolutely positive what she meant.

          Jack made an exaggerated shrug and bounced her even higher, then had to duck quickly to miss bumping her head on a tree branch.  He stopped and looked around.  The forest was dense on either side of the winding deer path, the underbrush so thick with summer vegetation he could hardly see Timber Creek.  “I’d ask for directions but I’m not sure who I’d ask.”

          Nikki helped Hannah down so they could squeeze through some heavy foliage.  “Everything was white the last time we were here,” Nikki commented.  I don’t even remember how far the cabin was from the creek.  I’m sorry.  I thought it would be easier without the blizzard.”

          Reaching out, Jack gently turned Nikki around for a leisurely kiss.  “I can’t think of a better way to spend our second honeymoon.”

           “It seemed like a good idea at the time.”  Nikki pulled him back for another kiss.  “At least it’s less crowded than the park.”

          Pointing toward a pile of stones behind some pine trees, Hannah shouted, “Look!”  She remembered to whisper as a startled fawn lifted its head and stared wide-eyed at the intruders.  “It’s a baby deer.  Do you think she’ll let us pet her?”

          Shaking her head, Nikki whispered back, “I wouldn’t count on it without Mr. Jess here to help.”

          “Is he going to come see us again?”

          “I don’t know, Munchkin, I don’t know.”  Nikki ruffled her hair.  It was getting so long now.  It made her think about their last appointment with Hannah’s oncologist.  He was still completely baffled by Hannah’s total remission.  No matter how many times Nikki and Jack referred to her as cured, the doctor couldn’t bring himself to say it.  But they knew.  Life had no guarantees, so they never missed a check-up, but they knew God had special plans for Hannah.  Nikki wasn’t sure what her own future held, but she did know she wouldn’t again miss any opportunity she had to enjoy her family.

          “Come here, little one,” encouraged Hannah, squatting down and taking mini steps toward the fawn.  “It’s okay.  I won’t hurt you.”

          The fawn started to bolt, hesitated, and then turned back, stretching an inquisitive nose out toward Hannah.  Hannah put a hand over her mouth to stifle her giggles as a beautiful black and orange monarch landed right on the fawn’s muzzle.  An annoyed shake of the little deer’s head sent the butterfly back into the air.  It hovered between the fawn and Hannah, joined first by one, then several more butterflies fluttering in a colorful ballet around them.

          Jack came up next to Nikki and took her hand in his as they watched.   

          Step by step, the young deer crept forward until it was close enough to sniff Hannah’s outstretched hand.  By the time she was able to touch its nose, a doe approached the edge of the pines to watch apprehensively. 

          Nikki and Jack were just about to warn Hannah to move away when the doe stepped right past, her attention on something behind them.  Nikki saw him first.  Her chest tightened and her heart skipped a beat.  Though she’d felt his presence in all she did recently, to see him in person again was astonishing, and a little intimidating. 

          “We were trying to find the cabin,” Nikki said, rather stupidly she thought.  Nice conversation starter.

          Jess simply smiled and walked forward.  He was wearing blue jeans, a white shirt, leather belt, and his usual hiking boots.  He paused to pet the doe, gently rubbing her ears. 

          Nikki couldn’t help thinking about the painting of Jesus she’d dug out of storage last Christmas.  It had always been her favorite portrait and, since her father had given it to her, she’d kept it.  Jess’ hair was a bit shorter now and he was clean shaven, but the artist had done well.  She wondered if he’d too had a private encounter with his subject.

          When Jack followed Nikki’s gaze, he was spellbound.  This was the same man he’d had coffee with, the same man he’d hiked and chatted with six months ago.  But now Jack knew he was in the presence of the Son of God.  He’d wanted so much to thank him in person for bringing Hannah back to them, but now he found he couldn’t speak at all.

          Hannah on the other hand had no problem with formalities.  “Mr. Jess!  Did you see the butterflies?” she exclaimed as hundreds joined them in the little clearing, dipping and flitting playfully.  She ran up to him and took his hand, leading him to the fawn.  “I decided to name her Flutter.  Isn’t she pretty?” 

          Jess squatted down by Hannah as she hugged the young deer.  “Yes she is.”

          “I knew we’d find you if we came back to the ’vention center,” Hannah stated with confidence, “’cause when I was holding the bunny and the storm came, you promised we could do this again someday.”

          His smile widened.  “So I did.  I’m glad to see you remembered.”

          Realization dawned in Nikki’s eyes when she thought back.  He’d known this day would come.  Or at least he saw the potential of it.  Despite all her own mistakes and misgivings, he’d kept his promise to Hannah.

          “There’s really not much left but the chimney,” Jess pointed out, nodding his head toward the pile of rocks near the pine trees.  “Old Jeremiah didn’t care much for socializing when he built the cabin a century ago, but he would offer whatever he had to a passing stranger.  He was determined to find gold in Timber Creek.”

          Jack was stunned to see a pile of rocks was all that was left of the stout structure they’d weathered the storm in last fall.  There was no way it had deteriorated to this point in half a year; it would have taken decades.

          “Did Jeremiah ever find his gold?” Jack wondered.

          “He found his treasure,” replied Jess with a knowing grin, “though not much of it could be exchanged for hard currency.”

          Nikki felt herself drawn to the cabin’s decomposed remnants.  Stepping around to the other side of the rocks she could see a familiar resemblance in the rubble that was once a fireplace.  The wooden floor was gone, as was the mantle.  Where Hannah once lay dying, dead, and alive again, tiny yellow and white wildflowers grew.  Jack came up beside her.  She took his hand, looking up at him with tears brimming.  They clung to her lashes as she tried to blink them away. 

          “I can’t believe he did this for us, for me,” she whispered hoarsely.  “I can’t count how many times I ridiculed people for believing in miracles.  ‘There is always a rational explanation,’ I told them.”  Nikki spread her hands in an encompassing gesture.  “We slept here.  We would probably all have died without Jess and this shelter.  But it wasn’t here, not really.  He did it for us.  Why?”

          Jack looked over to where Jess was playing with Hannah.  The air sparkled with colored wings while they played their own version of hide and seek with Flutter.  Occasionally Jess would stop to answer a question or point out a particularly intricate flower or bug.

          “Love, I think,” Jack answered finally.  “Maybe more people get miracles than we or they ever know.  You and I just got some really big ones.”

          Jess swept Hannah up in his arms and headed their way.  “Someone says she’s ready for lunch.  Did anyone bring sandwiches?”

          “Really big miracles,” Nikki whispered to Jack before going to retrieve their back pack.  “Hannah made plenty of sandwiches,” she called out to Jess, “but she gets pretty creative with the ingredients.”

          They found a grassy spot near the bank of the creek to eat.  Sounds of trickling water and bird song filled the air, along with a few curious bugs with a taste for chocolate chip, peanut butter, and strawberry sandwiches.  Nikki wasn’t quite sure what the really crunchy ingredient was, but she decided it tasted good anyway, so it didn’t really matter.

          Jess lay back on his elbows against the grass when he finished his meal.  “A wonderful concoction, Hannah.  My compliments.” 

          “I wanted to put Pop Tarts in for Daddy, but we didn’t have any here so I used granola bars,” she revealed.  “Did you like it?”

          “Very tasty,” he assured her.  “Good choice.”      

          “Do you want to go look for pretty leaves with me?”

          “See how many you can find and I’ll be along in a little bit,” he assured her.  “Remember to stay close.  Not all the animals in the forest are as nice as Flutter.”

          “Okay,” Hannah said, already bounding off.

          “I’ll go keep an eye on her,” offered Jack as he rose and hurried to keep up.

          Nikki turned to watch, resting her arms on one knee.  When she was sure Hannah was searching safely, Nikki allowed her gaze to fall to the nervous movements of her hands as she toyed with a smooth round pebble.  Finally, she raised her eyes to Jess.  He’d rolled his shirt sleeves up earlier and she could see the scars at his wrists.  “Thank you for today,” she said to him.  “Thank you for everything.”

          He nodded.  “You’ll still have your share of troubles.”

          Nikki’s attention lifted to Jack and Hannah for a moment, then back to the pebble.  “I know.”  She looked again at Jess and smiled, raising one hand to her heart.  “But I have you now, in here.”  She was embarrassed to realize tears filled her eyes once more.

          She started to wipe them away, but Jess leaned over and did it for her, brushing her cheek gently with the pad of his thumb.  “Always.”

           His gentleness only made the tears fall more freely.  “I’m sorry,” she said, tipping her head down to hide them.  “I’m not usually so emotional.”

          “You’ve had a lot to deal with lately.”

          “No kidding,” she responded, twirling the pebble in her fingers.  “Who’d guess no one wants to be around a microbiologist who’s gone off the deep end?”

          “Good people often censure those they don’t understand.”

          Nikki nodded reluctantly.  “I’ve done it myself.  You don’t really notice until you’re on the receiving end, especially when you’re suddenly unemployed.”

          “What about the position you’ve been offered at New Mexico State University?”      

          “Jack and I have discussed it.  It would be convenient for both of us to teach and conduct research at the same university.”  Nikki thought about it.  “The salary would be quite a step down.  Their molecular biology program is rather innovative though.  It would give me a chance to diversify my research.”  Nikki laughed when she considered who she was talking to.  “So, what do you think I should do?”

          Jess smiled too, but hedged.  “I think you have free will for a reason.  You need to make your own decision on this.”

          Amicably bumping her shoulder against his, she mentioned conspiratorially, “Ah, but you hinted just by bringing it up.”

          He bumped her back.  “And in your heart you already knew.”

          She let out a full chuckle.  “Yeah, I guess I did.”

          “What’s so funny?” questioned Jack.  Hannah had loaded his arms with a myriad variety of leaves and several fell as he tried to sit down.

          “Daddy, you dropped some!” she admonished until she realized it wasn’t such a bad idea.  She gathered them back up, giggling, and tossed the leaves up over his head.

          One landed on his face, sliding down his nose.  Jack pretended to sneeze, surreptitiously tossing a few back at Hannah.  Before long all four joined in the leaf toss and were soon immersed in green foliage.

          “Mommy!” Hannah said as she landed with a thump on Nikki’s chest amid a sprinkling of green.  “I wanna show you the baby birds Mr. Jess and I found.  They’re really cool!”

          Nikki groaned, “Okay, if I can ever breathe again.”

          Hannah jumped up.  She was bouncing with excitement, though she did her best to speak quietly, “We have to be really careful, so we don’t scare the mommy.”

          “All right,” whispered Nikki, standing, “lead the way.”

          Welcoming the momentary break, Jack leaned back and watched the clouds drift by.   The silence was peaceful, but loaded.  There was so much he wanted to say. 

          “No wonder I couldn’t keep up with you hiking uphill,” he finally blurted.  “I was ready to start doubling my daily jog.”

          Jess grinned.  “You did fine.  It’s good to keep challenging yourself.”

          “I try.  You’ve made our challenges a lot easier to bear lately.  ‘Thank you’ just doesn’t seem enough.”

          “You’ve thanked me every day of your life, Jack,” Jess told him, his eyes penetrating in a way Jack could never turn away from.  “Remember the story of the prodigal son?”

          “Yes.”

          “What did the father say to the son who stayed loyal through all the time his brother wandered?”

          “His father told him, ‘You are with me always, and everything I have is yours.’”

          Nodding, Jess stated solemnly, “So it is with all who remain steadfast.  Discovering faith can be difficult, but holding true to it is the greatest challenge.”  He allowed Jack a moment to consider what he said then added, “Nikki will need your strength when more challenges arise.  Happily ever after is more a decision than a condition.”  His smile hinted there was more to be said on that subject.  “…At least for now.”

          Jack averted his gaze to his wife and daughter who were carefully working their way up a massive pine.  “Nikki told me a little about the night you brought Hannah back to life.  I’m not sure I could ever comprehend most of it though.”

          “Being in the true presence of the Father is overwhelming.  But you will understand and experience all of it when the time is right.”  Jess tossed a pebble into the water.  “Just as the ripples from the stone change the ebb and flow of the stream, so will your lives change those around you.  There will be challenges yet to meet, but some of them will the most rewarding moments of your life.”

          “Better than this moment?” challenged Jack.

          Jess chuckled, but revealed no more.  “Just wait and see.”

                                   *   *   *

          Between stepping from branch to branch and helping Hannah to do the same, Nikki kept stealing furtive glances toward where the men still sat talking.  She needed to give Jack this time alone with Jess, but it was so difficult to be away.  It was easy to understand how Jess’ followers in the past could leave everything to be near him.  She wondered how long he would stay today.  She didn’t want to miss saying goodbye. 

          “There they are, Mommy.  Can you see them?”

          Nikki looked where Hannah was pointing.  Four little heads peeped up, mouths open, when they sensed a presence above them.  “They’re so darling, Hannah.  Thanks for showing them to me.”

          “I’m glad I’m not a bird,” proclaimed Hannah.  “Mr. Jess said they eat worms and bugs.”

          “Worms and bugs don’t sound too appetizing, but it might be easier to get out of this tree with a pair of wings,” Nikki mentioned.  “Here, let me help you down.”  Glancing again toward the creek, Nikki noticed Jack was there, but Jess was gone.  Panic hit her for a moment and she almost lost her footing.

          Suddenly, Hannah let go of Nikki and jumped off the branch.  Before Nikki had time to react, she heard Hannah chatting away to whoever apparently caught her.  Peeking down through the leafy branches, Nikki smiled at Jess.  “Thanks.”

          He sent Hannah along to get her dad and offered a hand to Nikki.  “I don’t need to be physically present for you to talk to me, you know,” he admonished jovially. 

          She hopped down next to him, averting her eyes.  “I know.”

          Jess lifted her chin up with his fingertips.  “My words are always there, waiting for you,” he assured her.  “Listen to your heart.  If you speak, I will answer.”

          Nikki could sense when Jack and Hannah began walking up to them that their time with Jess was coming to a close.  The yearning in her chest was so overpowering, she couldn’t believe she’d thought to live her life without it.  Jess had asked her once whether she missed God.  This was what she’d missed most, this connection.  It was greater than power, more powerful than love.  It was love with purpose and total acceptance, an everlasting bond with the creator of eternity and all that falls between.  She’d thought it had all been a lie.

          “Believe, Nik,” Jess whispered, laying a gentle kiss on her forehead.  “Be strong.”  He smiled at her.  “You’ll need to be.  Your new son will be a handful.”

          Nikki snapped her eyes up to his.  She and Jack had only remarried three days ago and though it had almost killed them to wait…

          Trust me.  She felt his words in her mind.  She smiled too.  Maybe that part- time position at NMSU would be perfect after all.

          Jack and Hannah joined them, exchanging curious looks at Nikki’s bright smile. 

          “Do you have to go away now?” Hannah asked Jess with the intuitiveness of a child.

          He lifted her into his arms.  “Yes.  But I’ll always be with you.  Close your eyes,” he instructed, “and I’ll show you.”  His glance to Nikki and Jack indicated he meant them as well.

          Nikki took one long look at Jess before she acquiesced.  She was glad when Jack took her hand in his.  Almost immediately she felt light-headed. 

          Jack clung to Nikki’s hand as the world seemed to spin out from under him.  He thought sure Nikki was the only thing holding him up.  What was happening?  It was tempting to open his eyes but he didn’t. 

          Gradually, light penetrated his consciousness, though he was sure his eyes remained closed.  It was a gentle, tender illumination that turned somehow into sensation.  Warmth permeated every part of him.  Then, abruptly, his world exploded with brightness and indescribable delight. 

          God is spirit.  Jack sensed Jess’ voice through every pore of his being.  Trust that I am with you always, wherever you go, whatever you do.  If you need me, I am there.

          Feeling like he weighed a ton, Jack felt his knees go out from under him as the floating sensation slowly ebbed away.  The inconceivable joy remained, however.  He thought his heart might burst with it.  When he finally opened his eyes, he noticed Nikki sitting beside him, leaning against him with the same look of wonder in her gaze.

          “I can’t believe she can stand, much less dance after that,” Nikki commented, her voice a little hoarse. 

          Jack noticed Hannah then, twirling around, arms out wide.  A host of tiny dandelion puffs swirled through the air around her.  Above, a cascade of fluffy white cottonwood seeds floated down on her like warm, soft snowflakes.

          “Was that heaven?” Jack managed to croak out.

          “I don’t think so, not quite,” answered Nikki thoughtfully.  “I think that was just a taste of his full presence.”

          “God’s?”

          “God, Jesus, Jess,” she said, shrugging.  “I think I finally understand the Trinity a little better.  A name is just a name.  They are one.”

          It was a long time before they left the little wooded area by Timber Creek.  To Nikki, Jack, and Hannah it would always hold sacred memories.  But the truly sacred, they knew, remained with them.