Sacred Traveler

CHAPTER 1

          “Mommy!  Mommy, watch!”  Fine blond hairs spiked outward from curly tendrils as Hannah shot down the tall plastic slide, static making her hair stand up like a halo around her smiling face.  “I’m not ’fraid of the big one anymore.  You didn’t even have to catch me!”

          Nikki leaned to the edge of the park bench and clapped.  “I saw!  When did you get so brave?”

          Hannah came running into her mother’s outstretched arms.  “It’s not that bad.  If Joey Henderson can do it, so can I.  He’s only four.  I’m five now, so I’m bigger than him.  Wanna see me do it again?”

          “Sure.  Go for it Munchkin.”  Nikki made sure Hannah turned away to run back to the slide before swiping at her cheek.  She didn’t have time for tears.  She didn’t have time for work, or food, or sleep.  Every moment Hannah had left, Nikki wanted to spend with her.  She shouldn’t be thinking of herself, only her daughter.  Yet Nikki kept finding her thoughts straying to her own loss, how empty her life would be once Hannah was gone. 

          Dr. Williams, the pediatric oncologist overseeing Hannah’s treatment, made it perfectly clear this morning that Hannah’s prognosis was poor.  Her tumor had not only returned, but the cancer had spread to other parts of her body as well.  Surgery was no longer an option.  They would start aggressive chemotherapy treatments along with yet another clinical trial right after the Thanksgiving holiday. 

          It wasn’t fair.  Hannah was just getting back her full energy and her full head of hair.  For the last two years, all she’d known was surgery and chemotherapy, along with participating in a host of clinical trials.  All for nothing. 

          This summer was the happiest Nikki had known since just before Hannah turned three, over two years ago.  That was when she first noticed her little girl feeling sick every morning.  Her head hurt, Hannah told her.  Precious time was lost treating Hannah’s symptoms, but they only got worse.  When the pediatrician suggested seeing an oncologist after that first MRI, Nikki was devastated.  Still, she hoped.  There was a good chance for a cure, they told her.  She thought they’d found it this summer.  Until today.

          Nikki looked up at a flock of Canadian geese flying overhead on their southward trek.  Her eyes remained focused on the clear blue dome stretched out above the barren trees even after the birds had moved on.  Thanksgiving.  This could be Hannah’s last one.  What was there to give thanks for?  And to who?  It was all a lie. 

          Nikki was raised Catholic.  She and Jack, Hannah’s father, had been married in a Catholic church.  A truly traditional wedding it was, complete with puffy white gown and all the relatives.  That was before they went their separate ways.  Jack somehow managed to “find God” at MIT.  Nikki had found her answers to life’s questions in science. 

          Their comfortable, non-practicing, once-upon-a-time-Catholic life abruptly ended once Jack started on a theology tangent.  He’d been well on his way to being one of the most brilliant astro-physicists in the country.  Nikki would never understand why he had to “get religious”.  He wasn’t overbearing, just too solicitous, too nice, too centered on things she couldn’t understand.  Jack changed.  Nikki guessed she’d changed too, just in more subtle ways.  It was pretty hard as a microbiologist, with all the answers spelled right out in front of her, to see her husband looking for the meaning of life in ancient texts.

          It didn’t make sense.  So when Nikki found out, against all birth control odds, that she was pregnant, she decided she’d had enough.  The last thing she needed was a religious education argument.  Or her child being taught what she knew now wasn’t true.  Allowing children to believe in Santa and the Easter Bunny was one thing.  Force-feeding “God” to a child as a crutch to answer difficult questions instead of accepting scientific investigation was another.  In June, Nikki finished her doctorate.  By July, she was gone.

          Jack was angry.  He was hurt.  Still, he refused to fight Nikki for custody.  Nikki had promised to call when she went into labor.  She did, but not until Hannah’s birth was imminent.  With Jack in New Mexico and Nikki here in Denver, she figured he’d let it go.  Instead, he’d cashed in a favor with a friend and hitched a ride on a private jet.

          “How the hell did you get here?” she’d snapped at Jack as he bounded into the birthing room, hospital gown hanging loose in the back and that gorgeous thick black hair of his in windblown disarray.  In her own defense, she was smack in the middle of transition and she’d stupidly denied any kind of pain therapy. 

          “I love you too, Sweetheart.  How can I help?” was all he’d given her to yell at him for. 

          Nikki was sure she’d yelled at him anyway.  It wasn’t fair that he looked so sexy standing there in a crooked, too small for his broad shoulders hospital gown while she was lying on her back, feet up in the air, with a basketball waistline, sweaty hair, and upset stomach.  He’d even held the little plastic bowl for her, lifting her stringy hair out of the way, while she retched.

          Hannah had bonded with her dad immediately.  Nikki saw it from the first moment he’d held their tiny red screaming daughter.  As soon as Hannah’s eyes met Jack’s she quieted and stared.  Jack had tears in his eyes and a loving smile on his face.    

          Nikki felt guilt rear its ugly head as she thought of all the time she’d cheated Jack out of with Hannah.  And vice versa.  He’d visited as much as he could, or as much as Nikki would let him.  He’d never missed a birthday, holiday, or special occasion, but Nikki admitted she hadn’t made a point of making it convenient.  There wouldn’t be much time to make it up to Jack at this point, and she’d be damned if she’d give up one day with Hannah now.  He had to be told though.  She just couldn’t make that call right now. 

          They would probably see each other at the science conference this weekend.  She’d find a way to tell him then.  Maybe he could pray for a miracle.  Right now there was nothing Nikki would like better than to believe there was a god.  Because, right now, if God were real, she’d tell him just how much she hated him.                        

*   *   *

          The phone rang early Thursday morning.  Not that it really mattered.  Nikki had only managed a fitful sleep anyway. 

          “This is Nikita Kohl.  Please leave a message.”  The answering machine picked up before Nikki could untangle herself from the sheet and reach for the phone. 

          She grabbed the receiver quickly before the noise woke Hannah.  “Hello, I’m sorry.  I’m here,” she said in a low voice.

          “Hey Nikki?  This is Janet Tremain, from MIT.”

          “Hi Janet,” Nikki responded, glancing at the clock.  It was only 6:00 am.  “It’s good to hear from you.  How have you been?”

           “Good, thank you.  I apologize for calling so early on a holiday, but I wanted to be sure to catch you and I didn’t have a cell number.”

          Nikki sat up, more awake now, but still clueless as to why her old genetics professor from MIT would be calling her at all, much less on Thanksgiving Day.  “Not a problem.  What can I do for you?”

          “You’re planning to attend the Science and Ethics conference in Vail this weekend, aren’t you?”

          “I had made reservations, but I don’t think I’ll be able to make it now,” Nikki answered.  She’d just made the decision yesterday after coming home from the park.  Hannah would be back into treatment next week.  This weekend Nikki would spend with her daughter.  Calling Jack would be hard enough.  She couldn’t take seeing him, the compassion and pain she would see in his eyes.

          “Are you certain you can’t make it?” asked Janet with obvious disappointment.

          “Why?” Nikki wondered aloud.

          Janet hesitated.  “The reason I was asking is because I’m organizing several lectures concerning society’s impact on science.  One of my keynote speakers can’t make it and I was wondering if you would be able to fill in.”

          “I just don’t think that’s going to be possible,” Nikki hedged. 

          “One session on Sunday afternoon is all I would really need you for and maybe just a quick talk on Friday,” appealed Janet.  “You would be perfect for this discussion after all the work you’ve done in advancing true science in the public eye.  With the articles and commentaries you’ve had published in national magazines and newspapers recently, you could pack the hall, I’m sure of it.”

          “What is the specific subject matter for Sunday’s lecture?”  Even as Nikki asked, she was mentally calculating whether she could bring Hannah along to Vail with her.  It could turn out to be a memorable weekend for Hannah if Nikki’s mother could come and watch her just while Nikki attended the Sunday lecture.

          “The session on Sunday afternoon actually concludes the entire seminar,” responded Janet, drawing Nikki’s attention back to the conversation.  “It will address the influence of religion on scientific research.  We will have several published authors in attendance to discuss their views, but they have been out campaigning their books so much lately we’ve all heard what they have to say several times over.  We could really use your fresh outlook to stamp down the scientific few who still feel it’s possible to believe in some supernatural creator and yet engage in true science.”  Janet paused, then hit Nikki with the piece of news sure to reel her in.  “I thought you might want to know that Jackson Meyers, your ex, is scheduled to be the keynote speaker for the other side.”

          “Jack?” Nikki spouted incredulously.  “He doesn’t do speaking engagements.”

          “Quietly subversive measures are more his style,” agreed Janet, “but apparently John Forrester convinced him this time.”

          It took a moment for Nikki to accept the fact that Jack was willing to break the agreement they’d made after Hannah was born.  She’d promised to let Jack see Hannah whenever he was able to on the condition that he not allow his religious fervor to push him into the public arena.  Okay, so Nikki’s own atheistic views had edged her into the public eye more and more lately, but there was a difference.  She knew her views were right.  She had science to back her up.  It was about time the general public learned to accept that fact and let verifiable truths guide their lives instead of hypothetical religions.  It was hard to believe Jack would let his antiquated beliefs come between him and Hannah more than they already had.  He knew this would cause an even bigger rift.  Didn’t he care?       

          “Nikki?  Are you still there?”

          “Yes,” replied Nikki with an edge to her voice.  “I’ll be there.  Count me in.”

          Nikki checked the time after hanging up.  Her mom probably had the turkey in the oven already.  With enough decisiveness to rival a drill sergeant, Helen Kohl had issued orders yesterday to be present and ready for Thanksgiving dinner by noon today.  It was probably her mom’s way of making sure Nikki didn’t get sidetracked.  Pretty understandable, really.  The sun hadn’t even come up yet and her plans for the weekend had already been considerably altered.

          Dialing the number, Nikki tried to think of how she could avoid a confrontation with Jack this weekend, but she was just too tired, and angry, to think. 

          “Hello?”  Helen’s voice held a note of concern. 

          “Hey mom.  It’s just me.”

          “Is everything okay?” she asked quickly.  “Hannah’s all right?”

          “Yeah, she’s still sleeping,” Nikki assured her.  “I thought you might be up.  I just got a call from an old professor of mine.  Remember my decision not to go to the seminar this weekend?”

          “Actually, I’d been looking forward to having Hannah with me for a few days.  Are you going after all?”  As an afterthought, Helen added, “You are going to make it for dinner today, aren’t you?”

          Nikki smiled, “Don’t worry, we wouldn’t miss your turkey dinner for the world.  It does look like I’ll need to be at the seminar for couple days though.  I’ve been asked to speak at one of the lectures on Sunday.”

          “I’ll be happy to watch Hannah for you.”  Helen’s pleasure at the prospect was obvious in her tone.

          Easing back on her pillow, Nikki tried in vain to massage the tension from her forehead.  “I appreciate that, Mom, but I don’t want to be away from her this weekend.  If she starts back on chemo Monday…”  Nikki took a deep breath.  “I can’t bear to see her sick again.  I just don’t know what else to do.”  Tears began to form, but Nikki wiped them away angrily.

          Helen’s voice was thick with emotion as she responded, “Are you planning to take Hannah with you?”

          Nikki swallowed, forcing back the constriction in her throat.  “I thought she might like getting to spend the weekend in a fancy resort, like a mini vacation, while she’s still feeling good.  Do you think you could make it to come with us?”

          “You want me to come with you?”  Helen was genuinely touched.  “Well, that would be lovely.”

           Maybe not so lovely if she knew the subject matter of her daughter’s speaking engagement, Nikki considered.  She was glad her mother hadn’t asked.  Nikki just wasn’t up to any more religious arguments, or worse yet, her mother’s disappointed silence.  They chatted a few more minutes before Nikki heard movement in Hannah’s room. 

          “I’d better go, Mom,” she said quietly.  “I think Hannah’s awake.”

          Nikki had barely set the phone down before a gentle creaking of the bedroom door heralded Hannah’s approach.  The barest hint of dawn invaded the shadows, but the room was still dark. 

          “Mommy?”  Hannah’s voice sounded thin and frail as she climbed up on the bed beside Nikki. 

          “I’m right here, Sweetie,” she whispered, pulling the covers back so Hannah could snuggle in next to her.  “Did you have a bad dream?”

          “No.  My head hurts.”  Hannah wiggled against Nikki’s chest.  Nikki pulled the covers back up and wrapped her arm around her little girl.  Hannah found her mother’s hand and held on tight, gently playing with Nikki’s fingernails as she drifted back to sleep. 

          Nikki could feel Hannah’s little heart beating through her pink flannel nightgown.  It just wasn’t fair.  Nikki had put all her faith in science, knowing it was her beloved daughter’s only chance.  Yet science was failing her – failing both of them.  “Pray… Please Nikki, pray,” had been her mother’s worthless appeal.  Apparently neither her mother’s faith in God nor her own faith in science had done either of them any good.  At least science was understandable.  It was random, cold, heartless, but predictable.  Better to believe in an unfortunate biological mutation which attacked at random than to believe that some “benevolent” force chose to defile such a precious life.

          This time when tears threatened, Nikki didn’t have the strength to fight them.

*   *   *

          Tantalizing aromas ebbed through every room inside the elegantly rustic log home.  The rustic had been carefully planned into the original construction, but accomplished its purpose.  It was warm, comforting, welcoming.  It was home.

          Outside, delicate flakes of snow only partially obscured the scenic mountains of Golden Gate Canyon.  Pristine white covered last week’s mud with at least a semblance of purity.  Nikki was just glad she’d gotten to her mother’s house before the road conditions worsened.

          Walking away from the window, she continued setting the table.  Only a narrow lacey runner down the center covered the honey oak planks.  This was a real antique, heavy and hand-sanded to a polished finish.  Years of use had rounded the corners even more than originally intended.  Nikki placed Hannah’s plate by one of the corners, next to the end where Nikki’s mother always sat.  Her dad used to sit at the other end.

          Helen caught Nikki’s attention as she brought a fourth plate and table setting in, placing them next to Hannah’s.  Nikki noted she was almost too nonchalant about it, chatting all the while about the slimming effects of her new grey dress. 

          “It even matches the silver strands Hannah keeps finding when she brushes my hair,” Helen mentioned.  I guess I’ll either have to dye it or learn to grow old gracefully.”

          Nikki glanced at her mother’s upswept shiny blond hair.  She could only hope to age so well.

          Looking back at the table, Nikki questioned, “Mom, who is the extra plate for?”  She didn’t mean to sound proprietary, but she wasn’t really up to extra company today.  “Is someone else coming?”

          Helen’s hand lifted in an apologetically defensive gesture.  “Now, don’t get upset.  It just didn’t seem right not to invite Hannah’s father when he’s here in town and all.”  She went on quickly before Nikki could jump in.  “When he called to talk to Hannah this morning and she found out he was here for the convention, she asked me if he could eat dinner with us and I said yes.”

          Nikki slumped into the nearest chair.  “You never could say no when Hannah uses those big blue eyes on you.”  Smiling, she added, “I can’t either.”

          The big blue eyes in question peered around the corner.  “Are you mad?”

          Holding out her arms, Nikki embraced Hannah as she lunged onto her lap.  “I’m so mad, I’m going to challenge you to a snowman-making contest after you eat!”

          “Yea!”  Hannah bounced off Nikki’s lap and started for her ski pants and jacket.

          Nikki stalked behind her and snagged the hood.  “After dinner, Munchkin.”

          Hannah sulked, her bottom lip stuck out and arms crossed for all of thirty seconds before the doorbell rang.  Then she was off, bouncing as she ran to the door.  She’d barely opened it enough to get through before flinging herself into Jack’s arms.

          Nikki laughed as she finished opening the door.  Jack was holding Hannah, his dark blue slacks and brown leather jacket already covered with snowy flakes.  “You might want to invite him in Munchkin.  No fair using him as your snowman.”

          Brushing off the best he could, Jack hung up his coat and joined the women in the kitchen.  He offered to help, but Hannah soon stole him away.  Not before Jack had a chance to steal several long glances in Nikki’s direction, though.  It had been months since he’d seen her, in spite of several visits with Hannah here at Helen’s house.

          Nikki did her best to avoid Jack during his scheduled visits.  It was Helen’s idea not to announce this one, but Jack didn’t argue.  He supposed seeing Nikki again was less than healthy for his coping abilities, but he couldn’t help drinking in the sight of her.  If possible, she was more beautiful than he remembered.  She was wearing a simple burgundy pant suit with a silky off-white blouse that brought out the creamy highlights in her hair.  He was glad to see she hadn’t cut the long golden curls that looked so much like Hannah’s.

          Nikki thought dinner went surprisingly well.  She didn’t even set off the smoke alarm.  Okay, there was the one short burst as she spilled a bit of juice taking the turkey out of the oven, but that didn’t really count since the oven was already off.  Like it or not, Nikki had to admit Jack looked more ruggedly handsome than ever, which of course made her more nervous than ever.  She tried her best not to notice how thick and soft his hair looked, or how one lock kept insisting on dropping away from the rest to lie across his brow.   

          The conversation was a bit bland, but Nikki wasn’t about to spoil the mood with more serious talk.  After Hannah went to bed, possibly, but not now. 

          Hannah’s eyes lit up as Helen brought in the pie with what had to be six inches of meringue on top.

          “You put meringue on top of pumpkin pie?” asked Jack cautiously. 

          Helen snickered.  “No.  This is banana cream,” she answered.  “Hannah’s request.”

          “Mmm, sounds good.”

           “You might want to hold your opinion on that,” Nikki whispered across the table.  “Hannah insisted on using her own recipe.  Mom just helped with the topping.”

          Everyone waited for Jack to take the first bite.  Hannah was hardly able to sit still, proudly waiting for his approval.  “Come on Daddy.  Hurry!  You’re really gonna like it.”

          Jack dug in with gusto, all eyes on him.  He chewed slowly, pretending to analyze the ingredients.  “Hmm… bananas – important for a banana pie.”  He chewed, and crunched, some more.  “And candy sprinkles… and chocolate chips… and,” he looked a little perplexed.  “Pop Tarts?”

          Hannah smiled broadly.  “They’re blueberry.  I knew you liked blueberry so I crunched some and put ‘em in!”

          “Absolutely wonderful!” Jack proclaimed.  “My compliments to the chef.”

          By the time Hannah finished her pie, bits of every ingredient were smeared across her face.  As Nikki gently wiped it off amid half-hearted griping, she issued the challenge.

          “What do you say, Munchkin?  You and me against your dad?”

          “Grandma has to make one too!”

          “Oh no,” responded Helen.  “I’ve made plenty in my day.  I’d rather stay in here and clean up – and stay warm.”

          “Make what?” questioned Jack.

          Hannah piped up first.  “A snowman!  Mom and I are gonna make a gigantus one and we’re gonna win!”

          “I see.  And what do you get if you win?” Jack wondered.

          “Umm…”  Hannah looked to her mother.

          “Let’s see,” contemplated Nikki.  “When we – I mean if we win, you start the snow blower and clean off the driveway.  If you win, well, you clean off the driveway anyway, but we’ll fix you hot chocolate.” She finished the last with a sugar-sweet smile that rivaled Hannah’s best.

          It touched Jack, battering down whatever defenses he’d tried to build against his feelings for Nikki.  He did his best not to let it show.  He still wore his wedding band and that irritated her enough.  “I think this challenge is a little one-sided, but I accept.”

          Puffy snow clouds began to give way to a sprinkling of sunshine by the time the trio helped clear the table and suited up.  The mini storm had left about six inches of perfect packing snow behind, though.  Hannah and Nikki rolled their bottom ball until it was almost as tall as Hannah.  The second ball was too heavy to lift and broke apart all over both of them just before they got it up on the base.

          Of course, Jack showed up just then to gloat.  He was almost done rolling his third ball.  “So,” he said, smiling.  “Which one is the snowman?”

          Deciding it was a lost cause anyway, Nikki picked up what was left of the not-so-well constructed ball and threw it at Jack.  Hannah thought that was a fine idea and followed suit.  Twenty minutes and countless snowballs later, all three were lying on the ground covered with snow and laughing. 

          “Let’s make snow angels!” cried Hannah, spreading her little arms and legs to make wings in the snow.

          Helen was amazed when she peered out the window as she wiped off the countertops.  Three snow angels adorned her front yard next to a huge blob of snow.  A little farther over, Hannah and Nikki were helping Jack build the biggest snow dragon she’d ever seen.  Helen had no idea who won the contest, but she decided she’d better just make the hot chocolate herself.

*   *   *

          The snow blower started on the second try for Jack, as usual.  Nikki didn’t know how he did it.  The thing would never start for her without at least a half hour of cajoling.  She and Hannah kept Jack company, dancing in the misty fluff spouting from the blower.  After a while, Hannah tired and rode on Jack’s shoulders while he pushed up and down the 200 foot long drive.

          What a hero he was, Nikki thought in spite of herself.  What a perfect dad.  He’d been a pretty awesome husband too.  If only she could understand him.  If she lost Hannah, she’d lose him too.  On the rare occasion when she allowed them times like this, she convinced herself it was only for Hannah’s sake.  But she knew better.  Hannah was the glue that kept Jack in her life.  At arm’s length, but always there.  It would kill her to lose them both for good.   

          Nikki shook her head and drove the thoughts away.  She had them now.  And she was damn well going to enjoy it.  “Okay, time for hot chocolate,” she called as Jack headed back to the garage.  “I’ll bet Grandma already has it ready.”

          Jack let Hannah down and, renewed, she bounded off for the house.

          Waiting for Hannah to get inside, Jack came up to Nikki with a look of reproach.  “Since you never really had anything at stake for the contest I won, I think I should get some kind of extra reward.”

          Nikki smiled.  She couldn’t help it.  He was covered in snow and looked like a giant marshmallow.  “So, what did you have in mind?”

          Jack’s teasing mood vanished as his gaze fell to her lips.  It had been so long.  Just one taste.  He forced his eyes back up to hers. 

          Heat spiked up Nikki’s spine despite the fact that she was almost numb from the cold.  Scrap the marshmallow analogy.  Jack looked like a tasty confection doused in powdered sugar.

          She only glanced at his lips, at the snowflakes melting and dripping off of them, making them moist.  It was just a glance.  She needed him, needed his strength right now.  She couldn’t even remember why she shouldn’t at the moment.  So she did.

          Nikki took one step forward, closing the distance between them.  She tilted her head, just a little, and made a tiny movement toward Jack’s lips.  Jack delved.

          “Ah, Nik,” he murmured between tender, desperate kisses.  He was afraid to say more.  “I love you” wanted to burst from him, but he tamped it down.  Just holding her, kissing her, was enough for now.  He was terrified of breaking the spell.

          Nikki refused to think.  She didn’t care about her reservations, didn’t care about her reasons for leaving Jack.  Hell, she didn’t even care about the snow dripping down her nose into her mouth, melting in the heat of their kisses – one after another, barely time to breathe.  Jack held her tighter and she pushed into him, hating their heavy coats.

          “Mommy, Daddy,” Hannah’s voice carried from the front door.  “Your hot chocolate is turning into cold chocolate!”

          Nikki reluctantly pulled away, pressing the back of her hand against her tingling lips.  “Okay, honey,” she managed.  “We’ll be right in.”

          She looked up at Jack imploringly.  Her voice was hoarse with the emotions that flooded in on her.

          “Why couldn’t you love me first?”

          Jack didn’t understand.  “I’ve always loved you first, Nikki.  Always.”

          “No, Jack.”  Nikki shook her head in denial.  “It’s God, then family.  Isn’t that what they teach?  Love God above all else?  When I first asked you to stop lecturing on Intelligent Design, which was in direct opposition to everything I taught, you told me you couldn’t.  Even knowing that the God hypothesis is a slap in the face to all the research I and our colleagues conduct, you refused because it was what ‘God wanted you to do’.  Finally you agreed for Hannah’s sake.  But now, this weekend…”  Anger threatened, but Nikki held it in check. 

          “If I follow exacting research parameters, I will get reliable results.  I know this.  But wait!  If I just pray that my results will back up my theory, who cares how precise I am?  Who cares how this extraordinary universe really began?  Let’s just say God did it.  Then, no matter what science discovers, you’ve got it covered… ‘Well, God must have planned it that way!’  If you just love God enough, or pray enough, maybe He’ll spare you the heartache He thrusts at someone less deserving – or maybe He’s just testing you, and really it’s your place to accept His will.”

          “Nikki, God doesn’t work that way.  He loves every one of us, no matter how troubled we are.”  Jack had no idea how to diffuse the argument.  He just wanted to understand her pain, her desperation.

          “Oh, you think God doesn’t work that way?” she spat the accusation angrily.  “How about Abraham and Isaac? Didn’t God ask Abraham to kill his own son?  Or will you accept that as simple folklore?”

          “God stopped Abraham,” answered Jack simply.

          “Well, Jack, God’s about to test you.”  Suddenly Nikki’s voice fell to a hoarse whisper.  “And it won’t matter if you pass or not, because apparently God doesn’t dole out miracles anymore.”

          A numbing dread overtook Jack.  “Hannah?”  The one word was all he could manage.

          Nikki fell to her knees right there on the garage floor.  “It’s back,” she murmured, wrapping her arms about herself.  Still she couldn’t stop shaking.  “It’s back with a vengeance.  The doctors want to start her in a new clinical trial Monday, but there’s really no hope.  The cancer is everywhere.  All they’re going to do is make her sick until she dies.”