CHAPTER 2

          Stunning mountain vistas passed unnoticed except for the distraction of negotiating curves and bends on the westward trek to Vail.  Jack welcomed the distraction, and that of the holiday weekend traffic.  Shock still overwhelmed his senses.  He didn’t want to be here.  He wanted to be with his family, with Hannah.

          As soon as Nikki hit him with the terrible news yesterday, she’d pulled away from him, instantly refortifying any weakness in her defensive walls.  Jack had never needed the comfort of Nikki’s embrace more than at that moment.  He’d needed even more to offer whatever comfort and support he could to her.  She would accept neither.  Nikki remained polite the rest of the evening, but bottled her emotions up tight, except for that one fleeting glimpse of hatred Jack felt directed at him.  It was as if she’d blamed him somehow.  As if his faith could have caused Hannah’s cancer to return, or should have prevented it.

          Either way, whatever ember of belief Nikki may have harbored deep in her heart seemed extinguished now.  Jack wasn’t altogether sure what he was left with either.  Of course, he knew at the onset of Hannah’s cancer that it was possible she might not survive, but the chances had been in her favor.  And he had prayed.  Lord, how he had prayed.  Jack had arrogantly believed it would be enough.  His faith had stood the test of Nikki leaving him, of missing so much of his daughter’s life, of Hannah’s initial diagnosis and treatment.  How could that not have been enough?

          Despair and disbelief overcame him.  How was he going to speak convincingly this Sunday of the proof of God in science, of the rewards of faith?  His faith had never felt as useless as it did now.  He should be planning his presentation.  Instead, he concentrated on clearing his mind of all thought, reveling in the temporary oblivion.

          Near Vail Pass light snow turned into a heavy squall and Jack’s full attention instantly turned to the road.  The interstate was passable, but slippery, an icy slush building up on the edges of the road.  By the time Jack made it to the West Vail exit he could hardly see.  The pavement was covered with several inches of new snow, picked up, swirled, and redeposited constantly by gusty winds.  Still a few miles from the resort where the conference was being held, Jack swore he saw a snow covered silhouette walking along the side of the road.  Quickly checking for traffic, he stopped the truck as far off the edge as possible.

          For safety’s sake, Jack slipped out the passenger side door.  He thought at first he must be crazy.  All he could see was blinding snow and an occasional glimpse of the forested mountainside.  He was fairly sure the silhouette he’d seen was human.  Moving back a step or two closer to the truck just in case, Jack looked intently through the swirling white flakes.  Finally he saw the figure of a man walking toward him.

          “Hey, could you use a lift?” Jack called out to him.

          The man came close enough for Jack to size him up.  He looked pleasant enough.  He wore khaki pants, hiking boots, and a dark blue ski jacket.  The hood was down and his dark brown hair was soaked with melting snow, but he didn’t seem to care.

          “I’d appreciate it,” the man answered.  “Thank you.”

          Jack opened the passenger door for him, noticing that he brushed the snow off carefully before sliding in.  The wind was finally letting up a bit, allowing Jack to check for passing cars before getting back in the truck. 

          “So, where are you headed?” inquired Jack as he eased out into the road.  “I saw a couple cars off the road about a mile back.  Do you need to call for a tow?”

          “No. Thanks, though,” he answered politely.  “I don’t have too far to go, just to the conference center up ahead.”

          “Really?  That’s where I’m headed.”  Jack glanced sideways.  The man looked to be in his early thirties maybe, a few years older than himself.  He seemed familiar.  “I’m Jack Meyers, by the way.”  He held his hand out to his passenger.  “Nice to meet you.” 

          “Jess Carpenter,” the man said, reciprocating with a confident handshake.  “I’ve seen some of your work.”

          Jack smiled.  “Is that good or bad?”

          Measuring his words, Jess replied noncommittally, “I appreciate your point of view.”

          A hearty chuckle escaped Jack.  “Well put.  You should be a politician.”

          At Jess’ lack of response, Jack inquired, “What do you do?  Are you speaking at the conference?”

          “No.  I’m just here to listen.”

          Jack thought it likely his passenger was affiliated with one of the organizations of the opposing camp.  Fine by him.  He could use the distraction of a little debate.

          “Care for a cup of coffee?” Jack asked as they drove up into the parking lot.  “It’s free in the lobby, but fresher in the lounge.  I’ll be glad to buy you a cup.”

          “Sounds good.  Thanks.”

          The lobby, when they entered, was massive.  The ceiling reached up the full four stories with balcony overlooks at each level. It was glassed in, an extension of the angled prow windows at the lobby entrance.  The view beyond the windows, even through the remaining snow flurries, was breathtaking.  Vast mountain vistas, from gentle pine covered mounds to jagged snow topped peaks, extended majestically before them.  As Jack stared, the snow cleared to reveal patches of blue sky, the early afternoon sun breaking through dark clouds in glorious shafts of golden light.  

          “Like a window to heaven,” Jack thought out loud.

          Jess grinned.  “If only you could prove it.”

          Wrapped up in the magnificent sight, Jack had almost forgotten Jess was still standing there waiting for him.  He turned back to apologize, but noticed awe in his companion’s eyes as well.  Jess’ gaze contained an element of pride, as if he felt some kinship with the scenery.  He must be a local.

          Jack thought about the man’s comment.  “If only,” he repeated with a touch of despair.

          Jess reached out and rested his hand companionably on Jack’s shoulder.  “Come on, I’ll buy the coffee.”

          They were seated by a long line of windows overlooking the valley below them.  Ski lifts and traffic moved in earnest once again.  The companionable silence was broken when a waitress stopped by their table.

          “Good afternoon,” she offered with a perky smile.  Her blond hair was pulled back into a bouncy pony tail.  “Could I start you off with something to drink?”

          It surprised Jack a little that Jess spoke up first. 

          “I’d like your house coffee, black please,” he told her.  “And,” he glanced toward Jack, “a French Roast Espresso for my friend?”

          Jack smiled.  “I’m thinking you’ve read too much about me.  I didn’t know I was that well known.”  Jack turned to the waitress.  “That sounds great.  Thank you.”

          “Are you attending any of the seminars today?” Jess asked after their coffee arrived. 

          “I don’t think so.”  Jack slowly stirred his coffee.  The aroma was revitalizing, but not enough to counteract the depression settling in on him.  “What about you?”

          “Isn’t your wife speaking later today?”

          “Ex-wife.  Yes.”  It amazed Jack how she could do it.  To go on as if their daughter wasn’t dying, as if their world wasn’t crumbling down around them.  Maybe she didn’t believe the disheartening prognosis the doctor had told her.  Maybe her faith in science was greater than his faith in God and science put together.  Maybe it was just her way of coping.

          “It must be difficult representing such opposing views.”  Jess sipped his coffee, lifting his gaze to Jack.

          “I guess the hardest part is that I can understand her faith and dependence on science, even if I don’t necessarily agree with her opinions.”  Jack lifted his cup and took one long swallow, allowing the rich, sweet flavor to sooth him.  “It’s more difficult for her to understand my belief in God.  She’s absolutely sure all of us who lend credence to Intelligent Design or God in general are sadly misled and just grasping for ideological excuses instead of real answers.  Some of her colleagues are even worse, seeing us as simple people, caught up in misinformed traditions.  ‘Unenlightened’ might be a good word.  They feel it’s their duty to evangelize the real ‘truth’, to lift us all from our own insistence on ignorance.  It’s almost a religion itself.”

          Jess listened quietly, making no comment.

          “I’m sorry,” Jack said apologetically.  “I shouldn’t have gone on like that.  How do you feel about it?”

          “Science is a wonderful thing,” he answered noncommittally.  “But I try to understand everyone.”

          Jack chuckled.  “Good luck with that one.  I’m not sure I’m up for understanding anyone today.”  A sincere smile graced Jack’s face.  “I’m going to be watching our daughter while my ex-wife speaks anyway, so it wouldn’t really work to attend her lecture.”

          “You enjoy spending time with your daughter.”  This was stated as an observance, not a question.  “What do you plan to do?”

          Jack perked up a little.  “Depending how she feels, I thought we might do a little cross-country skiing around the grounds.  There’s a nice path that circles the facility through the trees.”

          “That sounds fun.  She’s been ill?”

          “What?”  Jack had been careful not to mention Hannah’s illness to anyone in the past.  Nikki had kept it quiet too.  Then he realized what he’d said.  “Oh, I just meant if she’s not too tired from the drive.”

          “I see.  How old is she?”

          Jack spent the next ten minutes telling Jess all about Hannah.  In hind sight he supposed he shouldn’t have said so much to a veritable stranger, but Jess was so easy to talk to and Jack was careful not to give out any specific information.

          “Hannah sounds like a special little girl,” Jess said, smiling.

          “That she is.”  Jack couldn’t keep the sadness out of his voice.  He decided to shift the conversation away from Hannah before his new confidant extracted the whole story from him then turned out to be a tabloid reporter.  “So, do you have any children?”

          “I never married,” Jess confided.  “I love children, though.”

          “You’re still young,” Jack pointed out.  “You’ve got plenty of time.  Are you seeing anyone?”

          “My work is pretty time consuming.”

          “I made time once, but my work got in the way regardless.  Now, I don’t think I’d have the ambition to try again.”

          “You’re still in love with your wife.”  Once again, it was a statement of perhaps the obvious.  “It’s the way it was meant to be.”

          “Meant to be?  That’s pretty strong language for an atheist.”

          Jess smiled.  “I never said I was an atheist.”

          Jack pushed for a straight answer.  “So which side of the debate are you on this weekend?”

          “Like I said, I’m just here to listen.”

          “But you do believe in God?”

          “Of course.”  Jess said it with such simple conviction that Jack thought maybe they’d be better off this weekend having Jess speak instead of him.

          “You don’t sound as if you’ve left much room for debate,” Jack commented.  “I was afraid I might be alone in that this weekend.”

          Jess looked at him intensely.  “You’re never alone, Jack.” 

          He said it in a way that made Jack’s spine tingle.  Jack couldn’t even explain the feeling, whether it was good or bad or just extraordinary.  Any chance to figure it out scattered with the excited shout of an exuberant five-year-old.

          “Daddy!  We found you.  I told Mommy we would even though she said it was a big ’vention center and you were prob’ly already in your room.”  She took a moment to breathe and continued with her litany.  “I like this place.  It has humongous windows ’cept it looks like the snow could come down right through the ceiling.  Our room is really cool.  There’s a refrigerator and everything.  Where’s yours?”

          Jack laughed.  “My refrigerator or my room?”

          “Daddy, you’re so silly,” Hannah chided.  “Your refrigerator is in your room.  We’re on number three in the elevator.  Mommy let me push it.  Are you close to us?”         

          “I’m not sure yet,” Jack replied as he brought her up on his lap and nodded a welcome to Nikki and her mother.  “I haven’t even checked in yet.”

          Hannah’s eyes radiated to the kind ones of the stranger.  “Who are you?  Are you one of my dad’s friends?”

          “Yes, I am,” Jess answered for himself.  “And I hope I can be your friend too.  Your dad has told me all about you.”

          Jack made introductions all around.  The men stood and offered for the ladies to join them.

          “Thank you,” Nikki said.  “I would love to, but I’d better go get ready for my lecture this afternoon.  It was nice to meet you, Mr. Carpenter,” she offered with a handshake.  She glanced at him as he held her hand more warmly than she’d expected.

          “I hope to see you again,” he offered politely.

          Helen was already trying to convince Hannah to leave the haven of Jack’s lap, but turned to Jess momentarily since she wasn’t having much luck with her granddaughter anyway.  “It was nice meeting you,” she said, taking a closer look at him.  “You seem very familiar.  Are you from around here?”

          “I grew up in a different area, but I enjoy being here,” Jess replied.

          Hannah finally gave in and hopped down after giving Jack a lung squeezing bear hug.  Much to Nikki and Helen’s dismay, she moved behind the table directly to Jess, climbing into his lap as if she’d known him all her life. 

          “Daddy said we might go skiing later while Mommy gives her… lecture.”  She stumbled a little on the word, but sounded it out perfectly.  “Are you coming with us?”

          “I think your daddy might like to have you all to himself for a while today,” Jess answered.  “But maybe I’ll see you after you get back.”

          “Okay.”  She gave him a hug too, before running back to offer one more to Jack.

          “All right Munchkin,” Nikki said firmly, taking Hannah’s hand.  “We really do need to get your stuff unpacked.  You brought more toys and books than you did clothes.”

          Hannah could be heard chattering all the way to the elevator. 

          Jack sighed.  “If only I had a fraction of her enthusiasm these days.”

          “To approach each moment in life with the unencumbered eagerness of a child is something to strive for,” Jess commented softly.

          “There aren’t many adults who get to experience life unencumbered,” returned Jack.  “There are a lot of children who don’t either.”  His last statement was said with a hint of anger.  He needed to get out of here.  It wasn’t fair of him to project his frustration on others.  Jess had no clue what Hannah was facing.

          “Life unencumbered,” Jess said thoughtfully.  “Comfortable maybe, but most appreciation comes from trials overcome.”

          “What about the trials that can’t be overcome?”  Jack was almost ashamed of himself for sounding like his own opponents, challenging the benevolence of God.  …Almost.

          “Human suffering has many causes, Jack.  Much of it is brought about by human actions or indifference.”

          Jack kept his silence, but inside he wanted to rail at Jess that sometimes innocent children just get sick for no reason at all.

          Jess leaned forward, staring momentarily into the black depths of his coffee.  “Even cancer often finds its origin in environmental or biological tampering.”

          Damn.  The man was using his own words against him.  “So you’ve attended my lectures before,” Jack stated matter-of-factly.  “How would you address the most common challenge to that statement?”

          “Which is?”

          “Why is one stricken and not another?  Is it just the luck of the draw, the weaker genes?”  Jack stared out the window at the impressive scenery, unaffected.  “Or if God really knows all, does He just pick and choose?”

          “God knows all, understands all,” Jess responded gently.  “That doesn’t mean He causes all.”

          “But He allows all, despite the suffering, despite how close someone might feel to Him, despite how diligently one might strive to serve Him.”

          “God allows freedom.”

          “Freedom to screw our own lives up?  To destroy the world around us?  To destroy each other?”

          “Yes.”

          Jess’ confidence was more irritating than affirming.

          “…And the freedom to love, and to change,” Jess added.   

          “That’s my speech.”

          “Yes, but it’s true.”  Jess took a sip of his coffee.  “Even when your world is crumbling down around you.”

          Jack felt the eerie tingle he’d experienced earlier play up and down his spine again.  This guy knew too much – The Twilight Zone kind of too much.  If he wasn’t a reporter, he was probably some kind of stalker.  But he didn’t seem like the type, and Jack was usually a decent judge of character.  

          “What do you really do?”  Jack was determined now to pin him down.

          Jess put a fifty down on the table.  “I listen.”

          “Yeah, you already said that…” Jack got distracted by the size of the tip.  “That has to include a 30 or 40 dollar tip.” 

          “Tina’s going through a rough time right now,” Jess explained as he started toward the exit. 

          “The perky waitress?”  Jack was embarrassed to realize he hadn’t even noticed her name.  “She didn’t seem to recognize you.  How do you know her?”

          Jess just smiled.  “I listen.” 

          I listen.  Jack had no idea what the heck that meant.  Had Jess overheard something the waitress said?  “Do you come here a lot?”

          “First time,” Jess answered.  “I like it though.”

          “Where are we going?”  Jack noticed they had passed the parking lot and were headed toward the wooded hill beside the resort. 

          “I’m going for a walk.”  He glanced over at Jack.  “Care to come along?”

          Jack was chagrinned to realize he already was.  He shrugged and pretended he hadn’t already planned to.  “Sure, why not?”

            After they’d hiked for several minutes, Jack couldn’t help asking, “So, are you a counselor?”

          “I’ve been called that.”

          The pathway, if you could call it that, turned almost straight uphill.  Jack was in pretty decent shape, but before long he was finding it hard to catch his breath.  Jess didn’t seem to be the least bit winded.  “Let me guess,” Jack queried between breaths, “you climb mountains and run marathons between counseling sessions.”

          “I’m sorry.”  Jess stopped at the top of the rise.  “Would you like me to slow down?”

          Jack, huffing a bit, sat on a boulder to rest.  “Okay, I guess I’m not in as good of shape as I thought I was.”  When Jack looked down to see how far they’d traveled, he wasn’t so sure.  Only a mountain goat could climb that in 20 minutes without being winded.  “Who are you?”

          Jess laughed and leaned against a tree trunk, twisted and molded into a rather beautiful shape by the mountain winds.  He rested his hand on the sturdy bark. A busy chipmunk paused in its last minute search for winter foodstuffs to climb up and rub against him, absently accepting his gentle caress.  “I’ve always enjoyed walking.  I used to walk most everywhere I went.”

          “It looks to me like you still do,” remarked Jack.  “You never did have a car when I found you walking in the snow squall earlier, did you?”

          He just smiled and rose to step around the tree.  “When you’re rested, come take a look.”

          “I’m fine now,” Jack said, rising.  “I’m not that out of shape.”  He joined Jess on the other side of the tree to look out on what, for all the world, looked like the edge of forever.  “Wow.”

          “Beautiful, isn’t it?”

          Jack just stared, amazed that from this vantage point nature appeared to unfold endlessly before them, untouched by civilization. 

          “There’s a more level path there,” Jess pointed to his right, “that leads back to the hotel if you’d like to bring Hannah up later.”

          “Thank you.  I was just thinking how nice it would be for her to see this.”  It looked like the threshold of heaven itself, or at least what Jack thought heaven might look like.

          “Everyone has a boulder or two in their path, Jack,” Jess said from somewhere behind him.  “If you don’t let obstacles block your way, they can lead you to a broader view.”

          Jack thought about that for a while, just staring out into the distance.  When he finally turned back, Jess was nowhere in sight.